Tailored for a Lawyer

I recently rediscovered an old favorite time waster of mine - once only available on computer cd, now readily accessible via a series of tubes - You Don't Know Jack. One mini game, Dis or Dat "Pant Suits" made my day (as a non-law student):

Dog Days of Summer

I know Jesse has talked some about our 2 dogs on his blog, but since I tend to over-introduce everyone...have you met Sandy and Rufus?


With Jesse gone this Summer and with my Summer work schedule, the dogs are starting to get a little needy. Honestly, it's more like Fatal Attraction at the Davis house lately. It started with me turning around and one or both of the dogs laying down staring at me...creepily. Then the messages at work started...



Hmm. Odd. And then they started staying out at night...in my room. Yes, this is when things get weird. No, but seriously, the dogs have always been crated during the day...they were pound puppies and always wanted to go in their crates...kind of like a "safety zone" (if you want to use fancy dancy technical terms), not unlike the Danger Zone but very unlike the Safety Dance. It's like the Godfather always said, "Leave the hats, take the airplanes." Yeah, he never said that.

Anyways, so Sandy the Dog hates the crate now. It is the saddest, most pathetic scene in the morning...and it doesn't help that she is such a submissive dog already. It started a couple of weeks ago, with her slowly, her head hanging, getting in the crate and not eating the biscuit. Like, maybe if I don't eat the biscuit, they won't make me stay in here. Then last week she started just not going in immediately. Standing in the kitchen, like "I didn't hear you, haha." Then it became laying in the kitchen, rolling over begging. Then the latter plus dead dog/limp body not moving and me having to lift her up and put her in the crate. Now it has escalated to the latter, but she goes and lays on her soft pillow bed and gives me the Bolt begging look:



Then she won't move. Not for anything. Food? No. Baby talk? No. Force? Definitely no. So, again, as I am running late for work, I have to pick her up and put her in the crate. I have had to change my phone number and the locks on the doors from all this dog stalkery. Sandy has also been jumping up on the kitchen counter...I'm pretty sure she's scouting out the knives. Yikesers.

North Korea Smash

Dear North Korea,

A few key points to keep in mind as you continue to threaten the United States with total nuclear annihilation:

1. Gathering in a prearranged mass "shouting 'Let's smash!' in unison while punching clenched fists in the air" is not intimidating - it's ridiculous. I know that due to U.N. sanctions, you may not have access to the best educational resources, but the U.S. is larger than the 5 inches you see on a map.

2. "A placard showed hands crushing a missile with 'U.S.' written on it." OK, whoa. Clearly this is a lose lose situation...but if you want to try your hand (yuck yuck) at punching some armed U.S. missiles...

Also, if your fists are supposed to represent the total destruction of Godzilla, you might want to rethink your strategy...Godzilla might have been able to smash those Italians, but who didn't back in the day? Also, Nintendo is totally ahead of you with a smash product line - in fact, we may have to sanction you for copyright infringement. Muwhahaha...where's your fist now?

3. Now, if you are talking Jesse Davis smash style, then we should be quivering in fear.

4. A leader is the voice and face of the nation:



Love,
Me

Appalachia, cough, Argentina

Oh how the mighty Marky Marks of Republicans have fallen...but did you have to be so stupid about it? Really? The Appalachian Trail? Your staff couldn't have said out of the country? On vacation at an undisclosed location? Who thought saying Appalachian Trail was a good cover? Seriously. Also, what up with your press conference? Way to set a sinking ship on fire.

Randomness this madness brought to mind:





Also, on the National Parks website for the Appalachian Trail, they describe it as:

The People's Path and America's First National Scenic Trail

"The body of the Trail is provided by the lands it traverses, and its soul is in the living stewardship of the volunteers and workers of the Appalachian Trail community."

-from the Appalachian Trail Management Principles and the A.T. Comprehensive Plan

Do wha? Inappropriate NPS!

Rockin' the 'raq

This week Stephen Colbert, sponsored by the USO, took his show to Iraq and I agree with Matt Lauer - although, an understatement - "now, that's good television." It was an amazing show - a classy salute to the troops, great interviews with the military and Iraqi government officials, and hilarious pre-taped bits that made me fall off my seat laughing. Please find the links to the full episodes below, support the troops, and enjoy (they get better and better each day)!

Stephen Colbert's sign off on Thursday:

"I want to thank the troops here and around the world - I am rarely at a loss for words, but when I think of all you've sacrificed for your country these past six years, it really seems insufficient to say 'thank you' and really inappropriate to say 'holy sh*t.' So, I'll just say what I hope you will all be able to say soon - 'Honey, I'm coming home.'"

Monday: The Hair


Tuesday: Boot Camp


Wednesday: Tom Hanks


Thursday: Thunderbirds and the Hokie Pokie

Don't Tase Me Bro...or My Granny

First of all, I highly recommend The Hangover - Jesse, Michelle, and I saw last Friday and it was hilarious. I was afraid with all the movie promotions/advertisements that the trailers would spoil the movie, but thankfully no, it was still preserved in pure gloriousness...and yes, that's probably somewhere on the scale of preservation between prehistoric ice and formaldehyde. Also, there is a stellar taser scene...which, made me laugh inappropriately when I saw this video on the Today Show this morning:



Oh, Taser memories:

Government Auto Matchmaker?

Government matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...As we enter the month of June, the government seems to be busy shotgun marrying American auto makers to foreign companies and tax payers' wallets. The WSJ.com eloquently highlights GM's recent engagement bliss in the article titled, "GM Collapses Into Government's Arms." As an unwilling investor in this matrimonial scheme, I am uneasy - seems like GM is just in it for the money...Let's hope for a quick divorce (well, let's hope for an annulment). Or should we hope for a partnership of the caliber of the Blades of Glory Fire and Ice routine?



So, is GM registering at Bed Bath and Beyond?